Whoops!
by PPP SSC
Summary: After a lake mishap, Ike discovers a potentially lethal difficulty in the fruition of his relationship with Soren. Rated M for sex and nudity. For completion's sake: Ike/Soren


Whoops!

Ike was sitting by the lake, and Soren was about to go take a bath. Ike didn't know Soren was coming, nor did he expect to see anyone else by the lake. He got up and walked for a few minutes, and then he saw it. Soren's body. Nude. He watched silently as the turned-away mage unclipped his hair and entered the water. Ike stared, awestruck and blushing. Soren swam under the water, attempting to clean himself, and Ike caught a glimpse of his front on the way. Blushing as red as the currants behind him, Ike decided he should walk away before Soren saw him. But unfortunately it was too late because as soon as Ike turned to leave, Soren's head peeked above the water and with eyes wide opened he screamed.

His heart pounded faster and faster. _Oh goddess, _he thought, _Ike saw me naked._

"You okay?" Ike asked, turning around, concerned for the mage's well-being as screams all too often indicated severe distress.

_He's looking at me again! _Soren thought helplessly. He lied, "Yeah, I'm okay Ike." In reality he felt as though he was about to have a heart attack.

Ike took off his boots and walked into the lake after Soren. _Oh, goddess, _Soren thought, _he's approaching me. I'm not wearing any clothes. _Ike looked Soren in the face and then felt his heartbeat.

"Calm down," Ike said, "You'll explode if you keep that pulse up."

"I…I…" Soren stammered, "I was taking a bath… I didn't think anyone else was here."

"You don't have to apologize," Ike said, "If anything, I should apologize for being a peeping tom."

"No," Soren said, "It's fine, Ike." _He saw me naked!!!!_

"You shouldn't worry about it," Ike said, almost reading Soren's mind, "Your body is beautiful."

"B-b-beautiful?" he stuttered out. "No! That can't be right!!"

"It is," Ike chuckled, "But if you want, you can see me naked too so we're even."

Soren turned so red his eyes looked green. "Me? See YOU naked? NO! I could never be worthy of THAT!"

"It sounds to me like you want to!" Ike said, leading Soren out of the lake. He removed all of his clothes. When he got to his pants, Soren audibly gasped.

"Ike," Soren said, "I'm going to have to tell Shinon, that no, in fact, you were not 'compensating for something' with Ragnell."

"No, that's no good… then he'll just start spreading rumors that we had sex," Ike said.

Soren blushed. "Well," he began, "Most people would agree that TRUE rumors are more benign than false ones."

Ike growled seductively. Soren's heart began to race again. Ike pushed Soren down into the dirt and began his duty. All the while Soren lay in wait for Ike to continue, his heart raced faster and faster. It took not more than five minutes before Soren was out cold.

"Soren?" Ike asked, worriedly, checking Soren's pulse. Ike quickly dressed himself, not bothering to dress Soren and took his collapsed lover to Rhys.

Rhys looked at Soren and then told Ike, "It appears that he had a heart attack."

"A heart attack!?" Ike asked worriedly, "Is he going to live?"

"Maybe so," Rhys answered, "But only if you give him time to rest."

Ike looked over at his unconscious friend and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Please live," he cried.

Soren came to a few hours later. "Huh?" he asked, "What happened? Where am I? Where's Ike?"

"I'm right here," Ike said.

"What happened?" Soren asked.

"You had a heart attack," Ike responded. "That's it. I'm never going to initiate sex with you again."

"WHAT?" Soren asked, "WHY NOT?"

"Because the last time I did that I nearly killed you," Ike answered, "Your life is much more important than a night of fun."

"But I can't live without you!" Soren responded, crying.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Ike said, "I never said I was going to leave you. We'll just have a more… chaste relationship."

"But Ike…" Soren whined, "I'm SOOOOO horny! And I know you are too!"

"Soren," Ike said, "YOU can initiate sex if you want."

"How would it be different?" Soren asked, "And wouldn't you say no for my health and safety?"

"Soren, I have a theory that your heart attack was triggered by overwhelming excitement. My initiation made you feel special, didn't it?" Ike asked.

"Well, yes…" Soren said, "But it would also be a nice thing for you to accept my invitation."

"But there are a number of ways you could view an accepted invitation: perhaps I didn't want to hurt your feelings, or I was so horny I'd do anything that moved as long as he asked me first."

"Ike," Soren asked, "Will you make love to me?"

"Yes," Ike said. "But, Soren, if you feel like your pulse is getting unhealthily fast, TELL ME!"

"Okay…" Soren said. Ike was trying not to be too passionate this time, but Soren's heart STILL raced faster than a myrmidon's blade. "Ike, I…" Soren began, but he became distracted by the beautiful feeling of Ike inside him. This time, they made it all the way through; Soren was still conscious in the end, but just barely because as soon as Ike ejaculated Soren collapsed again.

"Soren," Ike said, "I don't know what to tell you. I don't know if we can have sex."

"Don't withhold it," Soren said.

"What?" Ike asked.

"When there is a chance I might not get it, I get super-excited about it. But if it gets old, or associated with something unpleasant, I'll become less excited for it."

"So what do you want me to do?" Ike asked.

"Rape me," Soren answered, "Repeatedly. Violently. Not just a little 'silence-means-consent' thing."

"You're asking me to hurt the man I love," Ike said, "I couldn't do that."

"Or better yet, rub yourself in garbage before sex! You'll smell awful and be on top of me. I won't look so forward to that."

"But Soren," Ike answered, "I want you to love me! Just… safely."

"Then maybe we should just practice until we can sleep together without giving me a heart attack," Soren said.

"I'm not sure that's better," Ike said, "What if you die, honey?"

"Okay Ike," Soren said, "Now I'm associating sex with heart attacks."

"Oh, that's good!" Ike said, "Maybe you won't get so excited now."

"Unfortunately," Soren said, "Nervousness produces the same cardiovascular function."

"DAMMIT!" Ike shouted.

After hours of extensive thinking, Ike finally decided to wait to have sex until he and Soren had been together for three years. By this point, Soren was so used to waking up next to Ike that the adding of an extra step seemed not too terribly exciting and even somewhat necessary. Soren didn't have another heart attack for 55 years.

Author's note: It's not obvious why Soren had a heart attack at 55, is it?/sarcasm (although, as usual, maybe I'm giving my readers too much/too little credit.


End file.
